Today is day 54 in my life as a wife.
In 54 days we have traveled to Seattle by plane, through Arizona, New Mexico and Texas to Louisiana by car, have had two loved ones pass away, and have several panic phones calls from family members. We have also had people over to dinner every week, learned a new game (Canasta) and have enjoyed Alta on sever occasions. I have been to the hospital more than 3 times, my husband has sprained his arm- ANNNNND... we are still happily married.
It is interesting to me how life happens- and never stops happening. There are times when I want everything to stop, slow down or fade "just for a little bit" so I can understand my new surroundings, but it never works that way. Life just keeps going.
I have a friend, we've been friends for a while now. And I can tell we are growing apart. She has her life, I have mine... and things are changing. This is one of the parts of life I don't understand. What to do? Pursue the relationship? Let it go? I am fully convinced that people are worth it. They are worth effort, energy, and even worth the risk of failure. But I also think that people deserve to choose who they want to hang out with and be friends with. I can't take that choice from this friend. But i don't want to give up on her either. Life, wtf?
My sister is engaged. Or at least I think so. She hasn't told me yet. But I still said Congratulations, as if she had. She just said thanks. Part of me thinks she is doing it to spite me. To show me that she can build a better wedding than I. And that is ok. I hope she does. Really. If she is in fact engaged, I hope she has a beautiful and wonderful wedding. I also hope it has nothing to do with spite, or anger, or resentment. She deserves more than to feel that way. I also hope that I get invited, its still a toss up, but we'll see how it goes. Life, wtf?
My husband and I are dreaming of what our future looks like. Dreaming. It sounds so blissful and romantic, but dreaming is hard for me. Why dream if they just get crushed. Why think about what could be if it never will be. My life has taught me that whatever I hope for most, will be the very thing that is taken from me and dashed before me. Life, wtf?
But here is the hope, here is the point- I serve a good God! In all my "life, wtf's" HE is faithful. He knows the status of my heart, the hearts of others and no matter what the situation tells me, I know that my God works ALL things for the good.
Doctors reports become irrelevant- My God is bigger.
Relationships are restored- My God is bigger.
The Future looks hopeful- My God is bigger.
Friendships are joyful- My God is bigger.
Life, is good- My God is bigger.
No matter the circumstance. No matter the report. No matter the status. My God is good and faithful.
2 comments:
I love you.
I have found that most of my friendships are seasonal. At first I grieved heavily over the loss of lifelong friends who were no longer a part of our changing lives. Then after prayer and looking around at the new friendships I was now making, I decided to instead of grieve, celebrate the time they had been a part of my life and to realize that sometimes God takes people out of our lives for the same reasons he puts them in. Sometimes it's to minister, sometimes to be ministered to, sometimes that friend meets a very specific need and sometimes I think he just likes to mix things up for us a bit. We like the familiar and it's hard to lose that, but when we learn to let go and trust in HIM, HE always brings in another amazing change!
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