Heart

Lord,
The contents of my heart are jumbled. I don't understand whats going on inside. So much, where to start.

I feel very foolish in the way I have treated my heart. I don't trust you with it, and that makes me angry with myself. How do I trust you with my heart? Please teach me. I am tired of searching for something that can only come as a gift from you. I know I have to seek you and find peace in you, but I don't know how to set aside this fear and anxiety in order to get close to you. I feel lost in the matter. What makes less sense is how amazed I am at your goodness to me, and yet I still can't seem to trust you with this.

Thank you for suppling for my every need. I have yet to go a day without food, which is a miracle in itself. You have given me food, and supplied a way to cover my bills. I have yet to be in need, for you satisfy.

Thank you for the ways in which you have orchestrated events to simply bring me peace and know that you are with me. Shelley has been a vessel in ministering to me a lot this week. Thank you for her. It amazes me that you have been working all things in my life for your good. How you do it is astounding. May all people of the earth rejoice in you, for you are good. If this is where I am to go to church, please make it clear. I love that nobody knows me. I love that they don't know my family. Thank you for bringing this change at the right time.

Thank you so much for allowing me a venue to say thank you to You. Some people give me the strangest looks when I tell them I am not getting paid to work, but that I am solely working to help others. Thank you for this opportunity to serve you in the Religion office. I am so thankful.

Go before me Lord as I have an interview on Saturday. Help me to find the right office, and please grant me favor with the interviewer and those that I may work with. Bless my interview and my work. Please calm my nerves Lord and help me to rely on you, especially when it gets hard.

I don't understand the fickleness of my heart. Please render me captivated before you, and only you. I don't want to be distracted by the amazing people you have put in my life, that they become my focus and not you. I pray that I can learn how to be in relationship with people, namely males, in a manner that glorifies you and edifies the people around me. Go before me in my conversations Oh Lord I plea. I need you to teach me how to live, and how to be in relation. I am no good at it.

There is a lot of uncertainty coming in the next week as I head North. I pray that if there is to be financial help coming my way that you would bless those that are working to help me. Only you know how important this trip is and why I need to go. If it is your will, please make it happen. If you will that I don't go, or that I go later, may your will be done in my life. I need you to take control of this situation. I have done what I know to do, I have been amazed at the kindness of your people, bless them and show them how great you are as you continue to show me.

I am truly humbled by your goodness. Your favor for me is overwhelming. Why you would choose to love someone like me is beyond words. Thank you so much. May my life be a living example of my thanksgiving to you. I know that my best does not come close to even saying how great you are, but Lord, I will try.

Please be with my family. I do not know their feeling toward me, nor their thoughts, but Lord help them see that I am striving and trying to follow what you have for me. I know I must be patient and let you work but it is really hard not knowing what is going on. It is hard sitting alone in my room each day not knowing if they think or care about me. It pains my heart the uncertainty I have regarding their love for me. It seems very conditional, very fickle. That kind of love is piercing to my heart knowing that you desire me to be loved and feel love in an unconditional, faithful manner. Teach me to love as you love. Teach me to love my family in spite of how they love me.

Thank you for the opportunity to work at the internship this next year. I know not what plans you have in store for me or the other women, but I know that your hand is in this. thank you for the confirmation I felt in my spirit in regards to this. I am coming to understand that you are more than a God of my brain and Spirit but you are God of all things, and all areas of my life. Thank you that I am able to feel again. That I am becoming more and more sensitive to your Spirit and that I can feel and see you moving like I could years ago. Thank you so much.

Thank you for the gift of life. The opportunity to wake each day (or night) and praise you. Thank you so much for creating me in a way that I am able to give you praise. May my heart always be thankful before you and humble to serving you in each way.

Thank you for James. If I am supposed to figure out what is going on, please help me. But if I am not to know, please help me in being content.

In all things may I be content with what I have, satisfied, and completely thankful and grateful to you, the Lord who supplies not only for the physical needs, but the spiritual and emotional needs of your beloved.

Thank you.

finished

Thank you that I am done with classes until Aug. And that I passed all my classes. I was kind of nervous there for a while.

You are so good to me! I really don't understand it. Thank you for the gift of life that you bless me with everyday, and provisions for food that come in the most comedic ways.

Lord you are good! Your mercy is new every morning. You are so great and oh, so good. Thank you.

I don't know how to say thank you enough. I pray that my life will be an endless thanksgiving to you and that the ways that I treat others will be out of thanksgiving. That I wont take any of my blessings and hoard them for myself but rather that I will give freely as you have given so freely to me. I pray that my life will be a living example of how great you are.

Ive been telling everyone all week that I'm your favorite, and I tell them stories of what you have done for me and they stand amazed how great you are. I think they are starting to realize that you love me.

My hope is that I could be a vessel that you use to show them how much you love them. That although I am your favorite, they are your favorite as well.

You are amazing. Thank you for life so that I can enjoy you. Thank you for creating me so that I can experience you.

I love you.