A rose by any other name...

"You make all things new"

It has been years since I have last blogged. I think its about time I did again.

Things are so different than they were years ago. I re-read my blogs and laughed. Things that really worried me then, seem so petty and ridiculous now.

Now... that I'm getting married. Perhaps thats the circle of my life. I'm sure in a few years I will re-read this blog and laugh. Times change, and so do I. (Hi future self!)

I am finding it hard to figure out what i want to blog about. Perhaps a statement of location is in order, a statement of who I am today and whats going on... it will be a great re-starting place.

I am, for the next 87 days, Ecclesia Price.
I work for the Southern California Assemblies of God as the assistant to the Women's Director.
I am a graduate of Vanguard University (but that seems so long ago.)
I am engaged to Jeffrey Scott Weltman.
I am becoming more active in speaking at churches, primarily to women's groups.

I could blog about wedding details, but really... in 88 days... no one will care. And it is not consuming my life. Well, not nearly as much as people seem to think that it should be, or that it is. Planning is coming along. Details are set. People are involved. I am happy with how things are going right now.

In 87 days I will be Mrs. Ecclesia Weltman. Thats crazy to think about. My name changes. I go from Ecclesia Price (Ecclesia meaning "church", Price meaning "fiery warrior") to Ecclesia Weltman (Weltman meaning "man of the world"). I am a firm believer that a person lives up to their name. I am proud to be an Ecclesia (greek: Ekklesia). I suppose that wont change, but what does it mean to be "man of the world"? My paradigm shifts.

I wonder if it is too far streched to say that my new name is a prime example of what the ekklesia should be... different from, but in the world. Living life on the front lines. Incarnational. Throwing religion, condemnation, and hypocracy out the proverbial window and jumping full speed ahead into the lives of the "unclean"... daring to be who Jesus wants us to be. Daring to love on people.

I was born a "fiery warrior" It will always be in my nature. But I will soon become the "church man of the world" and I promise to do right by the name. To be incarnational.

Thats a big name I have coming.

A little apprehensive...

Isaiah- I just talked to Val, she came for lunch. I had no idea so much was progressing with the two of you. I will be in prayer that God directs both of your paths and guards your hearts and minds.

Jesus-
thank you for the friends that I have and your incredible timing in bringing them to comfort me. Bless Boo as she continues in her job and learns to be patient with the lil people. Be with Val and Isaiah as they both try to figure out their lives and their paths, be it together or apart, emotionally, physically and relationally. Thank you for the surprises that change our lives and our minds unexpectantly. Bless both of their work.

I am learning more and more how selfish I am. On the brightside, I am starting to become honest with myself and in turn becoming more and more honest with the people around me. I want to be able to call out what I do and feel without constantly comparing it to what I think I "should" think or feel. I want to be free to be me. I think that until I am honest with myself all the time, I wont be able to change myself into who I would like to be- More like you. If Im not honest with myself, I wont know where to start in becoming more like you.

The funny part is that I know that the simple realization of wanting to be real and knowing I'm not- is a step in teh right direction to becoming more like you. By realizing how much I fall short of who you are, the more I realize how much I need to change, the more I selfish I see that I am, brings me closer to you and molds me more into who you want me to be.

I need to know that I am your beloved.
I want to know that I am lovable by males.
I need a Christian support.
I want my family.
I need food.
I want to be able to go out.

the list goes on- thank you for completly taking care of my needs and helping me realize that what I thought were my needs, are actually my wants.

It hurts, but strip me of what you don't want in my life and show me your faithfulness faithfully. You are having to teach me faithfulness personally because everyone else has been unfaithful. I want to be like you. I am really scared that I will wake up one morning and find that you as well have forgotten me. Teach me to think in the truth of who I am, who you created me to be.

If Im worth your time, I should be worth the time of people around me. Please teach me from the inside out that I matter and that I am worth more than what i have always been taught and think. You have put people/voices in my life to speak truth and teach me who I am. Let those voices grow strong and loud and the others to fade and disappear.

Thank you that other people have started calling me Your favorite. It is so nice to hear that other people believe it and in turn, I think I am starting to really believe it as well.

Yours Always,
Ecclesia

Blessed

Food
vacation
amazing places to stay
a bed every night
friends who love me
money
car
job(s)
manicure
Jamba
mentors who care
family
sisters
Lanette keeping her baby
my own room
house mates
scrabble on vacation
James helping me move
Out to lunch
Dinner dates
groceries
cookies
Seeing Katie(s)

you have blessed me beyond measure, I know because I just tried and the words do you know justice. They don't even begin to tell of your greatness. I am your favorite. On me your favor rests. It does not make any sense to me.

The letter that came in the mail today- the one with bad news that made me cry... help me to see your will in all of this. Help me not to forget how faithful you have been. I want to remember your goodness when its hard. I want to trust you when there doesn't seem to be a way out. You are my only hope. You are all I have.

Please give me direction on what to do. I am going to ask James to come over today and pray with me about it. Maybe he will have an idea on what to do. I don't want to go around sharing my problems with everyone and whining about the situation I am in. However, if you have outside help for me, show me who I need to talk to. Make it clear.

Somehow in my lack, in my need, and in my debt- be glorified. May myself and others praise you for who you are. For your faithfulness and provision. I don't know what my options are. If its to drop out of school- may you be glorified. If its to work many more jobs- provide the opportunity. If it to take out another lone- make that clear.

I don't know how I will make it- but I trust you.

whether I win or lose, starve or feast- may you be glorified in my life and in all that I do.

Thank you for your many blessings.

You are good.

Heart

Lord,
The contents of my heart are jumbled. I don't understand whats going on inside. So much, where to start.

I feel very foolish in the way I have treated my heart. I don't trust you with it, and that makes me angry with myself. How do I trust you with my heart? Please teach me. I am tired of searching for something that can only come as a gift from you. I know I have to seek you and find peace in you, but I don't know how to set aside this fear and anxiety in order to get close to you. I feel lost in the matter. What makes less sense is how amazed I am at your goodness to me, and yet I still can't seem to trust you with this.

Thank you for suppling for my every need. I have yet to go a day without food, which is a miracle in itself. You have given me food, and supplied a way to cover my bills. I have yet to be in need, for you satisfy.

Thank you for the ways in which you have orchestrated events to simply bring me peace and know that you are with me. Shelley has been a vessel in ministering to me a lot this week. Thank you for her. It amazes me that you have been working all things in my life for your good. How you do it is astounding. May all people of the earth rejoice in you, for you are good. If this is where I am to go to church, please make it clear. I love that nobody knows me. I love that they don't know my family. Thank you for bringing this change at the right time.

Thank you so much for allowing me a venue to say thank you to You. Some people give me the strangest looks when I tell them I am not getting paid to work, but that I am solely working to help others. Thank you for this opportunity to serve you in the Religion office. I am so thankful.

Go before me Lord as I have an interview on Saturday. Help me to find the right office, and please grant me favor with the interviewer and those that I may work with. Bless my interview and my work. Please calm my nerves Lord and help me to rely on you, especially when it gets hard.

I don't understand the fickleness of my heart. Please render me captivated before you, and only you. I don't want to be distracted by the amazing people you have put in my life, that they become my focus and not you. I pray that I can learn how to be in relationship with people, namely males, in a manner that glorifies you and edifies the people around me. Go before me in my conversations Oh Lord I plea. I need you to teach me how to live, and how to be in relation. I am no good at it.

There is a lot of uncertainty coming in the next week as I head North. I pray that if there is to be financial help coming my way that you would bless those that are working to help me. Only you know how important this trip is and why I need to go. If it is your will, please make it happen. If you will that I don't go, or that I go later, may your will be done in my life. I need you to take control of this situation. I have done what I know to do, I have been amazed at the kindness of your people, bless them and show them how great you are as you continue to show me.

I am truly humbled by your goodness. Your favor for me is overwhelming. Why you would choose to love someone like me is beyond words. Thank you so much. May my life be a living example of my thanksgiving to you. I know that my best does not come close to even saying how great you are, but Lord, I will try.

Please be with my family. I do not know their feeling toward me, nor their thoughts, but Lord help them see that I am striving and trying to follow what you have for me. I know I must be patient and let you work but it is really hard not knowing what is going on. It is hard sitting alone in my room each day not knowing if they think or care about me. It pains my heart the uncertainty I have regarding their love for me. It seems very conditional, very fickle. That kind of love is piercing to my heart knowing that you desire me to be loved and feel love in an unconditional, faithful manner. Teach me to love as you love. Teach me to love my family in spite of how they love me.

Thank you for the opportunity to work at the internship this next year. I know not what plans you have in store for me or the other women, but I know that your hand is in this. thank you for the confirmation I felt in my spirit in regards to this. I am coming to understand that you are more than a God of my brain and Spirit but you are God of all things, and all areas of my life. Thank you that I am able to feel again. That I am becoming more and more sensitive to your Spirit and that I can feel and see you moving like I could years ago. Thank you so much.

Thank you for the gift of life. The opportunity to wake each day (or night) and praise you. Thank you so much for creating me in a way that I am able to give you praise. May my heart always be thankful before you and humble to serving you in each way.

Thank you for James. If I am supposed to figure out what is going on, please help me. But if I am not to know, please help me in being content.

In all things may I be content with what I have, satisfied, and completely thankful and grateful to you, the Lord who supplies not only for the physical needs, but the spiritual and emotional needs of your beloved.

Thank you.

finished

Thank you that I am done with classes until Aug. And that I passed all my classes. I was kind of nervous there for a while.

You are so good to me! I really don't understand it. Thank you for the gift of life that you bless me with everyday, and provisions for food that come in the most comedic ways.

Lord you are good! Your mercy is new every morning. You are so great and oh, so good. Thank you.

I don't know how to say thank you enough. I pray that my life will be an endless thanksgiving to you and that the ways that I treat others will be out of thanksgiving. That I wont take any of my blessings and hoard them for myself but rather that I will give freely as you have given so freely to me. I pray that my life will be a living example of how great you are.

Ive been telling everyone all week that I'm your favorite, and I tell them stories of what you have done for me and they stand amazed how great you are. I think they are starting to realize that you love me.

My hope is that I could be a vessel that you use to show them how much you love them. That although I am your favorite, they are your favorite as well.

You are amazing. Thank you for life so that I can enjoy you. Thank you for creating me so that I can experience you.

I love you.

meh

"Sometimes when Im too depressed or drowning in self doubt
I know that I can call your name, and you will pull me out.
You taught me that Im worth much more, than what I've always thought
You give my strength and confidence, so long that I have sought..." -my poem to you


Thank you for the gift of one final on finals week.
Thank you that it isnt until Thursday.
Thank you that I could buy pizza for my girls.
Thank you that I have been an RA
and thank you that its ending.

This is one chapter in my life I am excited about closing.
Not that it has been bad in any way,
but that I am excited for the next to begin.

You are so good to me.
Thank you.


"You're the reason I live, you the reason I am who I am. You're the reason I live and my life is for you. (only for you) only for you.
In all my life, in all my life, I've never known anyone who loves me like you.
In all my life, in all my life, I've never known anyone as awesome as you.
You're the reason I live. You're the reason I am who I am. You're the reason I live and my life is for you."

-song by Steve and Julie

Play

Can we play sometime?
I want to run, laugh, smile, and have a tickle fight with you.
Is that too crazy a request?
I want to forget everything and just play.

Thank you for being present with me during James' and my conversation last night.
Im glad you were there.
Thank you so much for James.
Im glad he didn't walk out on me.
I like this new situation where I can tell people who I really am, say what I feel and they stick around.
Good bad and ugly, hes still here.
Thank you.

I think Dr. Seuss was on to something when he said:
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind- don't matter, and those who matter- don't mind."

smiles.

Thank you for creating me.
Thank you for the process of learning.
Thank you for making life interesting.
Thank you for men who love you.
Thank you for letting me be me.

I love you.